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A BOSSBEAUTY #2:
Carbonado,
from Prince George's County, Maryland asked:
"Why do women pass up a good guy and chase the bad boy who really is NO good, yet after being hurt decide that they should've been with the good guy: the one that is always there when needed, cares, looks out, but you won't give him what he deserves—a relationship or a chance with you?"
Dae:
Well, I believe in something similar to soul mates; that there are
certain people for certain people, and although a person may be a “good” guy or
gal based off of what is defined in society, that doesn't mean that
that person is a “good” guy or gal for everyone. Everyone has different wants,
needs, and desires out of someone that they are dating and although someone may
think that he/she fulfills that for a person, that might not be the case. It is
not up to you to decide whether or not you are good for a person, it is up to
the person to decide whether or not you are good for them. Just as how
it wouldn't be up to person to decide if they are good for you, it is
your decision to decide if that person is good for you.
With that being said, people often times don’t know what
it is that they need or want out of relationship and may end up picking the
“wrong” person because it seemed right at the time. As one hopefully
matures and learns more about themselves, they will be able to make wiser
selections for potential mates. What may have been the “right” person for them
before may become the “wrong” person later on and as well what may have been
the “wrong” person before may become “right” one.
A. Nicole:
Look, this is an ugly, classless answer, but...BECAUSE THE
LOVING IS THE BOMB.COM. Everyone "knows" felon/bad
boy/hustler/jerk/d-bag chubby stick is UHMAYZING.
When in reality...it only occasionally really really REALLY is.
This makes some ladies go dumb because assumptions are
made...and it's silly. Mostly because, peen won't comfort you when you're
sad. Magic stick won't rub your back when you've had a long day with the
kids. Jibby won't show up to your best friend's dance recital even though the
heiffa has two left feet. What I'm saying is, we need to let go
of the idea that penis cures all. We need to recognize that Mr. Right Now
isn't what's best for the future. The human race as a whole
enjoys instant gratification, and sometimes, we get blinded by the physical
because it trumps the emotional. We disregard the fact that the good
guy is the EXCELLENT choice because there is more to him than just loving, and
often-times it takes getting hurt to realize that. Hell, some
women are hard headed and it takes a good few times of being made to feel like
you want to slash someone's tires and spit in their mint julep before we get
the idea.
I'm fortunate enough to be at a point now where I know that I
like my men like I like my tea; southern, sweet, and strong (mentally and
physically), and that that is more important than anything he can do in the
boudoir.
Angeliqué:
This goes back to one of my previous posts: we womenfolk don’t
know what we want. Point Blank Period. I, myself, am guilty of this
carnal transgression as well. If we could have the ‘bad boy’ that secretly
loves watching movies, cuddling, and taking us places on a whim, we’d jump at
the chance. Unfortunately, this man does not exist. And even if he did, there
would probably be only one of him out of the 7 Billion earthly inhabitants in
current existence. And he would probably only speak some obscure variation of
Mandarin Chinese.
But I digress: He doesn’t tangibly exist. I think we as a gender
need to have a convention of some sort—hell, air it on Lifetime—and come to a
consensus on the fact that bad boys are simply no good. Granted, if
that’s what you want, then so be it. Your movies can be in his house because he
doesn’t trust you outside; your cuddling can be two-handed and around the neck;
and your surprise trips could easily be kidnapping—whatever floats your
proverbial boat. I honestly think that some women, like men, are always
looking for the bigger, better deal when it comes to their
relationships. Sure, the good guy makes the most sense, but the bad guy
has a motorcycle, money, looks like sex incarnate, a ‘f*** it’ attitude, or he
just has game for DAYS. Personally, it worries me when a man has such a gilded
tongue...it means that he’s had a lot of practice, running game on everything
in a skirt.
As for me, I learned the hard way that the good guy is always
better. That hard-headed kind of woman that Ashley's talking about is me. Bad
boys can be hypnotic. But that's just it. They're BOYS. The good guy is usually
the one who’s a man. (I’m sure you’ll see a boy vs. man post very soon
from us) He’s the one who is more likely to be there when the going gets tough.
He loves. He cares. He’s the keeper, and ever-so worthy of all of our
attention.
Of course, this is completely contingent on there being
attraction. If it isn’t there, DISREGARD EVERYTHING that you’ve just read. If
it’s not there, it’s not there. No amount of midnight ice cream runs and
hand-holding down the promenade can compensate for his dog-facedness, ass-scentedness,
or ass-wipedness. Keep on keeping on.
Dae (Part II):
I have more to add after reading my fellow comrades responses
because I refuse to put this all on the female and its time I get real up in
hurr:
1. 99.9% of
guys classify themselves as a "good" guy when it just simply isn't
true. I only know of 2 guys that have ever said that they were "bad"
guys admittedly so. The rest of the heterosexual male population are straight
up delusional about how they treat women.
2. A
"good" guy is usually unattractive, has multiple baby mamas, a
straight up whore, and/or jobless and is often times trying to obtain a woman
that is completely out of his league. He also often completely ignores women
that are on the same level as them.
3. Everyone needs to do some self-reflection both men and women about what
it is that they want and need out of relationship and whether or not what they
are bringing to the table is going to help obtain the type of individual that
they are looking for. So if someone feels that "good" women or
"good" men are passing them up and they don't know why, maybe that
person needs to dig deep enough and take a good look at themselves in terms of
what it is that they may be lacking and make some changes. Or maybe the people
that person is pining for are simply not "good" for them.
Readers, we want to know:
Why do women pass up on good guys?
As a self proclaimed good guy, there are women out there that I was the "badboy" to. Funny thing about it is that being considered a bad boy is only because of the situation that the woman is in. If she is in a sad relationship ans stays for the kids, anyone from outside in that seduces, secs the mind and doesn't call often would very well BE the bad boy. Often cause he doesn't want her to get caught by the boyfriend who may still be conniving, selfish person hisself. I hope I am not unattractive as a good guy but being called such from several races & ages of women I would hope there is SOME truth to it.
ReplyDeleteInteresting take on environmental influences shaping the way we thing of people as "good" and/or "bad"
ReplyDeleteI believe good vs bad boys can certainly change based on the situation/woman/guy, but I also believe being a good guy or bad boy isn't always simple enough to break down.
ReplyDelete