The Chivalry Blame Game

This post is going to make some women very angry.  As a matter of fact, I expect to hear a livid knock on my door and get a very expensive, particularly irate call from Spain a la Dae and Angeliqué, respectively.  Sadly, I don’t give one single cellular part of a hot damn and cheese sandwich. 

Chivalry has regularly been said to be on life support, mostly by angry women who are all sorts of ready to slash a man all up and through his face.  This being said, I can’t help to but to agree with them, though they have the attempted murderer all wrong.  Who’s killing chivalry you might ask?  Women; women have shot chivalry in the back and are now watching as it bleeds out on the floor shouting in that ugly cry way “Who could have done this?!”  And don’t get all excited men out there, ya'll are equally to blame.  Ya'll are the doctors that just stand there wailing, “I don’t have any tools!  What if she gets maaaad at me?  Woooooe is me and miiiiiiiine!”  Now keep reading, I’m tryna learn ya'll a lil' somethin':

Dear Lord, forgive that last sentence.

Women, I am putting a good portion of the blame on us.  Get salty if you want to, write angry responses if you want to.  As a matter of fact, feel free to call me toll free at 1.800.SIT.DOWN.  We have shrugged off and allowed one too man slights, and done it with pride, saying “I don’t need a man to open my door/pull out my chair/help me into my coat/etc.”  We’ve tried to become those I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T women rappers praise alongside those bad b!tches willing to bus’ it wide open for a goon.

                        

Not the way to go about it, at all, unless you’re Mufasa, cuz, well, hear that roar damnit

  I will not say a woman should not be able to handle her own, as a matter of fact, I might cast a strong ¬__¬ (extreme side eye) at a woman who can’t. Note that can’t is the operative word.  There is a difference between a basic chick and a wife/life partner/whatever-you-want to-call-it who doesn’t have to but is able.  Now, back to the topic at hand.  We have pushed the ever-elusive gentlemen off, snapped back so many times when they have tried to behave how they should, that they have soured and turned basic jerk.   There are, of course, more gentlemen out there I’m sure, but they’re in the witness protection program until further notice.  My fellow women, it is okay to be treated like a lady in the classical sense, it does NOT make you weaker.  As far as I’m concerned, it makes you stronger because you show that you aren’t afraid of asking for the treatment you want, regardless of the hemmings and hawings, particularly from other women.  Now there will be those of you out there who say “That isn’t how I want to be treated!  I’m strong on my own, I don’t need a man to…” blah blah blah.  Hush your mouth, you’re getting the reasons all wrong for why he’s opening that door or escorting you out of a rowdy situation.  It isn’t because he thinks you’re inferior, it isn’t because he thinks you're his property.  When a man does those things for you, it’s a level of respect, a nod to what he thinks of you.  It isn’t him saying you can’t do those things for yourself; it’s him saying he’s thinking of your comfort and you don’t have to.  I personally appreciate this and try to always thank the man who is chivalrous, because lord knows they are far and few between.  If we keep spitting on these actions, they may become extinct for good instead of simply an endangered species.

Now men, don’t get excited, ya'll are by no means in the right either.  You’ve tried to make women feel bad when they do stand up and expect this treatment.  A woman who expects you to open a door is high maintenance, a woman who waits for you to pull out her chair is stuck up, and may angels, ligers, and all the woodland sprites help the woman that thinks the man is going to pay for dates (I haven’t had to call on the power of fairies yet, but I’ve heard stories…*shudder*).  Ya'll have gotten weak.  Yep, let that marinate in your soul for a second; weak.  You’ve become scared of the woman who asks for these things, as well as the woman who rebuffs them.  You’ve given up and instead of thinking of the many that would appreciate it, you thought of the women that have been short with you.  Don’t forget the old saying I’m sure someone’s mama, big mama, or Aunty Pearl has uttered in your presence: You catch more flies with honey (sugar water if they were from Mississippi) than vinegar.  Since right now we’re living in the age of the single peen, trust me, this adage is more accurate than you could believe.  I believe in traditional gender roles, and in my ever so humble opinion, if you treat her like a lady, she’ll treat you like a gentleman.  And trust me, in my case at least, you want to be treated like a gentleman.

                                            

Yep, that could be the face you make perpetually, don’t worry, the cramping will subside…

            Really, I have one friend who is by far one of the most gentlemanly people I’ve ever met.  He holds doors, pulls out chairs, helps with coats, doesn’t let you walk in the dark alone, keeps you on the inside of the sidewalk when walking (I guess he's going to shield her if a car jumps the curd), and WOMEN ARE THROWING IT AT THIS MAN.  Even his lazy gentleman moves work.  No one thinks him the lesser, his boys still see him as a man’s man, and no one wants to slash his tires (except me every now and then, but I’m just not a nice person…).  These things may sometimes seem archaic, but really, for the love of skittles and vodka, chivalry gets you ahead!

What I’m saying is that if we as women got out of our own way, and admitted that it’s ok to want a chivalrous gentleman, it could be all hearts and rainbows.  And men, if ya'll realized that being a gentleman doesn’t make you weak and will actually make you quite happy in the end, it could be like a ménage à trois with unlimited hot wings and an Xbox.  This may have started as a who shot chivalry piece, but now this is simply a come together and work it out piece.  Let’s revive chivalry and get it some awesome pain meds, because really, who can’t come back when they’ve got Percocet love coming through their veins?  Let that age for a minute…

Peace, pearls and cupcakes,
A. Nicole, a BossBeauty